Quinceanera: held outside, Stiletto and Paris are to one side behind a wall. Stiletto is sitting down looking in the mirror doing makeup while Paris brushes her hair.
Paris: OMG this is going to be the best party ever! Your grandfather has gone all out for your quinceanera and naming ceremony!
Stiletto: Yes, I really must thank him and everyone who has contributed.
Paris: I heard he even invited some boys from the Thornsville compound, I hope they are cute.
Stiletto: I’m sure they will be fine young men from good families.
(people start to arrive in the party areas on the other side of the wall)
Paris: I hope not. I like the bad boys. Oh! I have to tell you the best news! Your grandfather loved my design of his LENS collars so he asked me to go to Bay City and pick out the materials. I leave tonight with Matt and his crew after the party! He wants me to stay at least a month and oversee the fabrication of the first production run!
Stiletto: wow Paris, that is amazing news. I’m so excited for you.
Paris: fer sure, can you believe it, a whole month in Bay City, can you imagine how much shopping I can do!
Stiletto: I just had the best idea, maybe I can come visit after you get settled in.
Paris: That is an amazing idea! Do you think your grandfather will let you!
Stiletto: I don’t see why not, I can get Auggie to escort me, he’s been there many times and can protect me from bandits and muertos on the way.
(more people, violinists sit down and start to play Vivaldi)
Paris: oh, it’s like that
Stiletto: What?
Paris: Please, you just want Auggie to “protect you from bandits”. Who is going to protect you from him?
Stiletto: Who says I need protecting from him? He he.
Paris: (looks like she just remembered something) Oh, right. Like, hmmm, yeah, that might not be happening.
Stiletto: What do you mean, I know I can convince mi abuelo over the next few weeks if I start now.
Paris: Auggie is not going to be here in the next few weeks.
Stiletto: What do you mean?
Paris: I heard from DUDE, who was there when SLIX told TRIG, that she overheard ELF tell OWL…
Stiletto: Just tell me!
Paris: Auggie failed his UTI and is leaving tonight.
Stiletto: What! How is that possible, he was scoring so well.
Paris: was he now?
Stiletto: you know what I mean.
(everyone has arrived, Chip gestures to Matador, he starts to walk over to Stiletto and Paris)
Paris: Listen, it is best to forget about him. I’m sure your grandfather and the committee had a good reason to fail him. Come to Bay City with me tonight, it will be so much fun and I’m sure you’ll meet tons of cute guys.
Stiletto: No, this isn’t fair.
(Matador enters)
Matador: CC, it is time, the music has started.
Stiletto: No, I’m not ready.
Matador: grandfather and all of the guests are expecting you, now!
Paris: she is coming, we’re in the middle of girl stuff, now go. (Matador leaves) Listen, we can deal with this later. You need to go out there with your biggest smile. This is the party of the century, so you need to suck it up. Do it for your mother if no one else. You know she’d want you to.
Stiletto: Fine, but it will be a fake smile.
(both leave, Paris comes out first, followed by Stiletto with a big smile. Everyone lines up to greet her, she kisses each person on the cheek as she walks by. Her brother puts a tiara on her head when she stops by him. ELF hands her a doll with blond hair. Stiletto holds it at arm’s length with a semi-disgusted look on her face and then hands it to Paris, who jumps up and down hugging it. She finally makes her way to the end of the line where OWL is at the front with his “I tell Inside” hat on and Chip is on the other side with a bag.)
OWL: My fellow citizens of Hullsum. Tonight marks an important milestone in a very special young lady’s life as well as for our community. Once again I have the honor and privilege to officiate one of Hullsum’s oldest and most sacred traditions, the FLA Naming Ceremony, as codified in section 6 paragraph 12 of the bylaws of Hullsum. Tonight’s ceremony is particularly poignant for me as I have the opportunity to personally reflect on the true meaning of our naming ceremony. A very bright student of mine (winks at Stiletto) recently challenged me to define the purpose of a name. Should it be an immutable monument like Oxymandias’ statue declaring our glory or more ephemeral and dynamic like a signature writ in water?
DUDE: Yo Shakespeare, get on with it, the ice cream is melting!
OWL: OK, OK, By the power invested in me by the Chief Hullsum Patron and section 6 paragraph 12 of the bylaws of Hullsum, I hereby bestow upon you your FLA. From this moment until the achievement of your TLA, you shall be known as…WISP.
Stiletto: WISP?
OWL: WISP
Stiletto: What the hell does that stand for?
OWL: umm. Walks In, Soothes People
Stiletto: soothes people? Really? That is my most useful trait?
OWL: well, umm, it is one useful trait.
Stiletto: oh yeah, and walking is the other?
OWL: it is a useful trait for most.
Stiletto: Don’t you dare play that card now! (turns concerned and soft spoken) I am sorry, you are very handicapable. You know I respect you greatly. (angry again) But how can you do this to me, is that how you see me? As some frail, insignificant puff of fog?
OWL: why, no, not at all. Ah, Chip, can you help me out?
Chip: Mija, please, OWL has chosen a lovely name for you
OWL: I did have some help
Chip: It not only captures your delicate personality, but also honors your mother, Willow. What is more lovely than sitting under a Willow of the Wisp with a book on a fine summer’s day.
Stiletto: Willow of the Wisp? Do you think that is a type of tree?
Chip: ah, yes?
Stiletto: You are thinking of a Weeping Willow! A Will-o-the-Wisp is the gaseous lights people used to think came from ghosts living in bogs. You named me after swamp farts! AHHH!
Chip: Mija,(pleading) please I didn’t know.
Stiletto: I am not your little girl any more! What was wrong with Stiletto? Why don’t you see me as someone brave and strong, like Auggie does!
Chip: I would have named you Stiletto if I could, but it has too many letters for an FLA. But look, (grabs bag) I wanted to honor your choice (pulls out a pair of stiletto heels from bag) so I got these for you.
Stiletto: what are those?!?
Paris: OMG! Are those Manolo Blahnik stiletto heels!
Chip: Yes. Mi amor, you are always talking about stilettos so I had them brought up all the way from Lost Angels Land. Not an easy feat these days after High Consul Bieber finished his wall across the southern valley.
Stiletto: Argh! What am I supposed to do with those things?
Chip: I don’t know, (meekly) reach cans from the top shelf in the kitchen?
Stiletto: AHHHHH! (Stiletto runs off)
Paris: so, if she doesn’t want them, can, like, I have them?
(Lights inside the party dim. Lights outside the wall go up.
Auggie is on the other side of the wall. He drops his pack and stuff falls out. He bends over and starts to stuff it back in. Stiletto sneaks up behind him)
Stiletto: (fake animal call) aahh-ooo-gaa!
Auggie: (jumps, startled) Ah! what the!
Stiletto: ha ha, I got you! I can’t believe I sneaked up on you.
Auggie: (smiles) you sure did. I didn’t even hear you coming. You have learned well young padawan, the student has become the master (bows)
Stiletto: so, what is this I hear about you leaving?
Auggie: yeah, about that. I failed my UTI and Chip kicked me out. I’m on the move again.
Stiletto: And when were you planning on telling me? Were you going to leave me a letter or just ghost me out right?
Auggie: I figured…
Stiletto: You figured what? That I’m not important, that you could just forget everything between us?
Auggie: No! It’s not like that. I figured if I saw you, I would ask you to come with me and if you said no, I couldn’t bear it.
Stiletto: Why do you think I’d say no?
Auggie: I, well, I don’t. OK. Will you come with me?
Stiletto: Yes! I will follow you to the ends of the earth and back.
Auggie: for real? You don’t know how happy this makes me. Can you leave now?
Stiletto: I have my bag right over there. Let me get it.
(as she turns to leave, Auggie dances around, smiling. two men jump out and throw a bag over Auggie’s head and pull him away. Stiletto returns)
Stiletto: Auggie? Where did you go? Stop fooling around.
(she starts wandering around and then the men jump out again and throw bag over her head and grab her off stage)